Grand Hot Pie Conspiracy... the best damn theory EVER:

Birth
When Tywin Lannister gave Tysha to all those soldiers, Tyrion and to himself later, the legendary hero was seeded. He got the strength of the knights and the mind of both Tyrion and Tywin.
After the rape, Tysha fled to the Kings Landing where she asked the King for help. King misunderstod it and fucked her.
With her will broken, she got the help from Lord Varys who hid her somewhere in Red Keep. There, she dies at childbirth and the Legendary Hero was born. Varys gave him the name from the first thing that came to his mind.

Childhod
Not knowing what to do with this magnificent child, Varys gave him to Syrio Forel while he was visiting KL. Syrio took him to Braavos where he raised him.
At the age of 3, Hotpie showed magnificent fighting skills and Syrio knew that he just needed to give him to the Temple of god of Many Faces.
There, Hotpie learned how to beak cookies, bread, donuts and, of course, the magnificent pies that were so tasty that the face could easily be changed after eating it.
At age of 5, he became the master assasin known as... Piebeaker! Man after man died of pies in Braavos and the assasins knew that the child was too magnificent to keep him in Braavos, so they returned him to Varys.

Life in KL
After arriving back, thanks to his 2xLannister mentality, he became the master conspirator. He beaked such a great pie that Varys felt into love with him. In order for him to keep getting pies, Varys needed to inform Hotpie about what happens in KL.
When Jon Arryn brought Petyr Baelish to KL, Hotpie spited into a pie and and served it to Petyr. When he ate it, the Hotpie's true personality entered his body of Petyr and turned half of it into Littlefinger.
After that, he made Pycelle his servant and sent him and himself to the Citadel. There, Hotpie corrupted the Archmaesters with his magnificent pies and became the Ultimate Maester. Then.. he found the Lightbringer in tombs of Oldtown. With his teeth of all the soldiers and Robert Baratheon, he... ate the sword and named himself R'hllor!
Now, whenever he dreamt of beaking pies, he could hear voices of Red Priests and even answer theme. He felt into love with a young prostitute called Mela. He declared her the archpatriarch of R'hllor and named her Melissandre! He promised her that he and she shall rule the world as Grandbaker and his maid!
When the Great Other felt the magnificent stench of Hotpie's pies, he sen't his nation to destroy the pies and their creator in order to stop the irritations!

The enlightment of Jon Arryn
From the Runestone, Bronze Royce brough his lord, Jon Arryn, the runic tablet on which was a prophercy written. The prophercy propheted that the Lord of Pies, the only son of Lion and a fat King, shall arrise... soon.
Thats the day when Jon found out that Robert has only one child with a Lannister. He called for Stannis, to investigate the incident.
When they found out that Robert has no lawful child with a Lannister, they decided to tell that to Robert.
But Varys told Jon's and Stannis' plan to the legendary hero Hotpie. He sent an little agent to put a pie under Stannis' bed that shall wake his shadow and kill Jon Arryn. That was the day when Stannis became a lackey to Lord Hotpie and has fled to Dragonstone where he shall meet the woman from his dreams...
Unfortunately, Jon slept in the darkness and the Shadow coudn't touch him. So he sent LF to bring a pie to Lysa Tully. When Lysa ate it, a false past came in her mind. She tought that she was always in love with Petyr and fell into love with him now. That was the day when she became Hotpie's lackey...


What really happened in AGOT, part I and II:

The dead Direwolf
In order to destroy the Lord of Pies, the Great Other asked his servants, the Olg gods, to send a direwolf to the Starks in order to help theme fight in War of Dawn. The Direwolf left from the Lands of Endless Winter to South.
When Hotpie found out about this, he run all the way to Winterfell in order to intercept the wolf that shall lose a lot of time getting through the Wall and mating with other Direwolves. He menaged to come first and kill the female direwolf with one magnificent hit!
The babies came unexcepted. When Jon Snow menaged to persuade Lord Eddard to give the wolves to his children, Hotpie promised himself that Jon shall suffer.

The Dragon Eggs
In order to win the upcoming war, Hotpie needed a champion. The champion would need to be able to have a lightbringer and create dragons from stone.
So Hotpie stole some chicken eggs and beaked theme in one of his secret bakeries under the KL.
Then he sent theme to Ilyrio and told him the master plan and promise of sending free pies as long as he serves him.

Drogo's Power
But in order for Daenerys to become powerful, he needed a champion. While Hotpie was in Oldtown, he swimed all the way to East and then run to Vaes Dohtrak where he found a pathetic dohtraki named Drogo. He gave him one of his magnificent pies and the pie turned Drogo into a super Dohtraki.
But Drogo wanted to use the powers he got from him against Hotpie. So they started a meelee combat. But Hotpie beat Drogo in three magnificent hits! Drogo then had no other choice but to obey him.

Jaime pushing Bran of the tower
Jaime never fucked Cersei on the tower. With a sleeping potion and his over-human genius, Hotpie disguised himself as Jaime Lannister and made love to Cersei. When Bran appeared, he threw him over the tower because he interrupted his only chance to fuck the queen and make a Coldpie.
After the incident, he returned to Jaime's room and whispered into his ear what happened. Thats the reason why Jaime doesn't feel guilty about pushing Bran, but still remembers it.

Needle
The Needle is in fact a magical artifact.
When Jon ask Mikken to make a blade for Arya, Hotpie overhears the conversation, lures Mikken with a pie into the cellar and when Mikken eats it, he falls asleep.
Then Hotpie took the hammer into his hand and forged a legendary artifact, fueled with the shadow of his pies. Thats the reason why Arya started to fall to the Dark Side of the Life.

Assasination on Bran
The man who hired the assasin to kill Bran wasn't neither Jaime, nor Cersei, not LF and no way Joffrey.
Hotpie hated the Starks and wanted to get rid of theme, so he made the library burn with a pie-bomb and payed the assasin to kill Bran with some money and, of course, with a pie.

Mycah
After the failed assasination, Hotpie runs to the Kings men. After he comes there, he disguises himself as Mycah. He trains with Arya in hopes that he shall find a way to make her trust him and turn her to the dark side. Unfortunately, the evil Prince Joffrey saves Arya by cost of his blade.
After Sandor killed him, Hotpie was ressurected in his Great Backery in KL. There, one thing was for sure: Sandor is the only guy who can beat him in combat. This shall be important in future. Since then, he spits in every pie that Sandor ate. The vengeance was his! What magnificent brilliance!

Brilliant.

_________________
-Ithy

"That is not dead which can eternal lie.
And with strange aeons even death may die."
-The Necronomicon

"Once you truly realize that humanity is a dead end, the only way out is to stop being human."
-H. P. Lovecraft

Wow...that was umm..... did you make that up or did someone post that on another forum?

_________________
"The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future." -Oscar Wilde

He made it up, and also posted it on Ran's board.

_________________
-Ithy

"That is not dead which can eternal lie.
And with strange aeons even death may die."
-The Necronomicon

"Once you truly realize that humanity is a dead end, the only way out is to stop being human."
-H. P. Lovecraft

Four words fella...get a real job

_________________
"Americans [have] the right and advantage of being armed, unlike the citizens of other countries whose governments are afraid to trust their people with arms."
~James Madison

I love reading Akul's theories and ideas. They certainly make you think.

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What we need to make this place perfect is a Reverse Microwave!

Real jobs are overrated anyways

except for the paying the bills, of course. but in high school you don't have many of those, so why get a real job?

_________________
What we need to make this place perfect is a Reverse Microwave!